


the first footstep

by theafterimages



Series: weddings au [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 11:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3649197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theafterimages/pseuds/theafterimages
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongdae returns home after a year working abroad only to find out he doesn’t have a chance with Joonmyun anymore… or does he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	the first footstep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [avirjin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avirjin/gifts).



> Originally posted [here](http://eveninadream.livejournal.com/11810.html).

One eighteen-hour hour flight later, all Jongdae wants to do is sleep for a month.

Luckily for him, Baekhyun's the one who will be picking him up at JFK, since Jongdae will be sleeping on his couch until he finds his own apartment. Since the last thing Jongdae wants to do is spend longer than necessary readjusting to Eastern Standard Time after his year in Hong Kong, it’s a good thing Baekhyun's merciless enough to keep him awake no matter how much Jongdae whines.

Despite Jongdae’s half-formed hopes of—well, of other people coming with Baekhyun as a surprise, not that he has anyone in particular in mind—Baekhyun’s the only one waiting for him when Jongdae makes it to the baggage claim area. They hug and trade excited greetings, Jongdae’s flight-induced bone-weariness lifting temporarily. Seeing Baekhyun and hearing his voice again in person are so much different than relying on their weekly conversations over Skype, and as always Baekhyun’s energy is contagious.

Baekhyun chatters away as they wait for Jongdae's luggage, and is still going as they travel to Baekhyun's apartment on the subway, catching Jongdae up on not only his own life but seemingly everyone else they’ve ever met. Jongdae mostly listens, though his attention fades out soon enough, as the trip and jet lag catch back up to him with a vengeance. 

He’s on the verge of outright dozing off on the subway, his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder and his eyes long since having given up the fight to stay open no matter how many times Baekhyun pokes his side, until he tunes back in in time to hear Baekhyun saying, “-and there’s the bachelor party tonight at Joonmyun’s, you can’t get out of it-”

_That_ had Jongdae jerking awake, sitting up straight and staring at his best friend. “Joonmyun’s getting married?” he demands, somehow able to get the words out even though his heart feels like it’s in his throat.

It makes sense—Joonmyun had started dating Eunji three months before Jongdae’s transfer, and a year and a half together is plenty of time for them to decide to get married. Jongdae’s been half-expecting (and fully dreading) to hear this news for the last few months, even though he’s insisted to himself that he’s made his peace with it and will be happy for Joonmyun. He just hadn’t realized until now how much he really had been hoping that he still somehow had a chance with Joonmyun; that Joonmyun hadn’t just kept in touch with him because of friendship.

Baekhyun shoots Jongdae a strange look. “Did you listen to anything I just said?”

“No,” Jongdae says frankly. “Joonmyun’s getting married?”

Baekhyun’s mouth twitches. Jongdae would yell in aggravation if he could. Instead his brain’s just—stuck. Joonmyun’s getting married? This is it? “Come to the bachelor party tonight and find out all about it.”

“Baekhyun-”

“Sssshhh, just go to sleep, Jongdae,” Baekhyun says, nudging Jongdae’s head back down onto his shoulder. “I’ll wake you up when we get home.”

Too thrown by the news to wonder about Baekhyun’s sudden change in behavior, Jongdae does fall asleep against Baekhyun a short while later, travel-induced exhaustion overpowering even his own turmoil.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Despite what some of their friends think, Jongdae hasn’t had a crush on Joonmyun ever since they met, back when Jongdae was a freshman and Joonmyun was his dorm’s RA. Jongdae had still been dating his high school girlfriend at the time, but their determination to make their relationship work long-distance had failed them by the end of their first semester. 

After that Jongdae got more involved with the college community, which meant taking part in more dorm activities and joining a few organizations, most of which Joonmyun happened to be a member of. While Jongdae had always admired Joonmyun and liked being around him, as their friendship grew his feelings for Joonmyun had gradually changed from there, until sometime halfway through sophomore year when he’d finally realized that he was in trouble.

Not that anything had ever come of it. It seemed like whenever one of them was single, the other one was dating, and Joonmyun’s dating history didn’t give Jongdae any hope. While he knows that Joonmyun isn’t completely straight, to Jongdae’s knowledge he’s only ever been in relationships with women, and even though he and Joonmyun can talk for hours Jongdae’s never worked up the courage to ask if that is deliberate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time Jongdae and Baekhyun make it to the party that night, it’s already in full swing. Joonmyun has the biggest apartment out of their circle of friends, but even with the extra space it seems like all the guys they’ve ever met and then some are crammed into it.

Overwhelmed and not sure who to seek out first, Jongdae lets Baekhyun surge forward into the apartment without him. He takes stock briefly, debating what to do first until he hears someone calling his name over the din, the voice light and warm and familiar. Jongdae spots the person it belongs to and waves, a smile breaking over his face as Zitao makes his way through the crowd and hugs him tightly. 

“When did you get back?” Zitao demands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just got in this morning.” Jongdae actually hadn’t had time to contact anyone, since despite his determination to do otherwise he’d slept all afternoon, and Baekhyun had waited so long to wake him that Jongdae had pretty much been out of time to do anything but get ready and leave. “You haven’t missed anything.”

“Still!” Zitao lets him go, beaming down at him. “I’m so glad you’re back! You’ll have to show me all your pictures and tell me everything.”

“Why, so you can criticize my angles some more?” Jongdae returns. “I’ve seen your Instagram comments.”

“You do better than most people,” Zitao allows. “I taught you well.”

Zitao had given Jongdae more than a few photography lessons during the year they’d dated in college—although, granted, filming ancient buildings and filming Zitao naked are two very different undertakings. Jongdae smiles at the memory and slings his arm around Zitao’s waist. “Where’s Sehun?” he asks. 

Zitao’s face lights up at the sound of Sehun’s name. No changes there, then, which Jongdae is relieved to see. Those two have always been good for each other. “He’s here somewhere.”

“Shouldn’t this be a party for you guys, anyway?” Jongdae teases.

“Please, Sehun’s not even done with school yet.” Zitao leans against him, like he’s the smaller one instead of Jongdae. No changes there, either. “Come on, let’s find him and get drinks.”

Which is when Jongdae hears a familiar laugh and turns his head, unable to stop himself, his gaze going directly to Joonmyun for the first time tonight. Seeing him in person, not just on his laptop screen, for the first time in a _year_ hits Jongdae even harder than he’d thought it would. 

Joonmyun’s part of the small crowd around Chanyeol, who’s gesticulating wildly as he tells some story. But all of Jongdae’s focus is on Joonmyun. His recently dyed blond hair is even more of a shock in person than it was when Jongdae had first seen it over Skype, and he looks like he’s lost a little weight, which automatically has Jongdae making a note to make sure he eats enough tonight; but his smile is the same and so is how badly Jongdae wants to be by his side.

Jongdae swallows. It’s strange to think that he’d spent the year wishing Joonmyun were there with him, but now that they’re in the same place Jongdae’s almost dreading talking to him. “Yeah,” he says numbly, letting Zitao lead the way. “I need one, too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

They only get in one shot each, clinking their glasses together with a laugh, before Sehun finds them. He folds his lanky body around Jongdae’s for a long hug (“Did you get _taller_?” Jongdae demands, and discovers Sehun’s smile hasn’t changed, either) before towing Zitao away.

It’s not the first time he’s seen that, and it probably won’t be the last. They’ve never really left the honeymoon stage even though they’ve been together for a few years now; long enough now that Jongdae’s mostly stopped thinking about how it’s probably strange that he’s so okay with their relationship. After all, he and Zitao had dated until Jongdae had ended things, since he’d seen how Zitao had been looking at Sehun and had known Zitao would never do anything about it if Jongdae didn’t let him go.

Joonmyun had been the one who’d let Jongdae cry on his shoulder afterwards, Jongdae thinks now, his gaze automatically darting back to Joonmyun. Maybe that was why recovering from that breakup, and the others he’s gone through since then, hadn’t been as hard as it should have: because in the end it’s always been about Joonmyun for him.

As if Jongdae’s thoughts had summoned him, Joonmyun finally turns, giving Jongdae a look he can’t quite read before smiling and waving to him. Jongdae can’t ignore him without it seeming strange, especially given how enthusiastic he’d been about seeing Joonmyun again during their last few Skype conversations, so he gulps down one more shot for courage and makes his way over there.

“Welcome back!” Joonmyun tells him, pulling him in for a hug. 

As hard as Jongdae’s heart is pounding just from seeing Joonmyun again, wrapping himself around Joonmyun is as easy as ever; and if he clings for longer than intended, well, he has a year of lost time and longed-for opportunities to make up for. 

“Thanks,” Jongdae remembers to tell him, finally forcing himself to pull away. “And congratulations on—everything. All this.”

“Thanks! I wasn’t sure how it would go, but it seems like everyone’s having a good time.”

Jongdae swallows. He’s not sure if he can congratulate Joonmyun without giving anything away yet, it’s too soon, but he has to say _something_. In the end he settles for, “I hope they will at your wedding, too.”

Joonmyun turns, blinking at him. “I guess?”

“Have you started all the planning and stuff yet? Or is that all up to the bride?”

“I… wouldn’t know, I don’t have a bride,” Joonmyun says, brow furrowing.

Now _Jongdae’s_ confused. “What are you talking about? You’re marrying Eunji.”

“What?” 

“What?”

“Jongdae,” Joonmyun says carefully, “I’m not getting married. Chanyeol is.”

That. Jongdae needs a minute to process that. “ _Chanyeol_?” 

“Yeah, Chanyeol and Jinri,” Joonmyun confirms. “How did you not know it was Chanyeol’s party?” 

“Because I always thought he’d end up marrying his snapback collection!” Jongdae’s head is spinning. _Chanyeol_? He’s been with Jinri a while, sure, but— _what_? "I didn't—Baekhyun told me it was your party!"

Joonmyun shakes his head, laughing. "I'm just the host.”

"So you and Eunji aren't..."

"We broke up a few months ago."

Jongdae’s shocked into silence at that, just gaping at Joonmyun for a few seconds. "You need to start posting these things! Why didn't you tell me?"

"It never seemed right," Joonmyun says after a moment. "I didn't want you to worry about me. And it's not the kind of thing you just mention in an email." Joonmyun takes a long swallow of his drink, his smile brighter—and faker—than ever when he lowers his glass. "Anyway. You know now."

Jongdae’s barely had time to absorb any of this, much less figure out what to say next, before Chanyeol careens back into the kitchen, sweeping Jongdae off his feet in a hug. “You’re here!!” he exclaims. Jongdae had almost forgotten how loud he can be in person, and he hadn’t realized how much he missed it.

“I’m here,” Jongdae confirms, laughing, and Chanyeol clutches him closer.

“Are you gonna sing in the wedding?” he demands.

“What?” 

Chanyeol sets him down, beaming wider than ever. “Just say yes!”

“Yes,” Jongdae says after a deliberate pause, and Chanyeol whoops and hugs him again, though Jongdae’s feet stay on the ground this time.

“Come on, let’s get drinks!” he says, dragging Jongdae away. Jongdae glances one last time at Joonmyun over his shoulder, but isn’t sure how to interpret the small smile Joonmyun gives him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Somewhere after his fifth drink—and, sadly, witnessing Chanyeol all but beg Zitao for a lap dance, though Jongdae can’t remember if he succeeded or not—Jongdae wakes up in an unfamiliar bed, stripped down to his boxers, morning light streaming into the room. Bewildered, he sits up slowly, taking stock. He recognizes the street noise outside, though it’s more muted than he’s used to—he's back in New York. Home. He’s definitely not on Baekhyun’s sofa bed, and he can’t hear Baekhyun’s neighbors through the walls, so he must still be at Joonmyun's. Joonmyun's apartment, Chanyeol's party. Not Joonmyun's. Joonmyun's not getting married. Joonmyun's single, and Jongdae's back in New York.

Jongdae’s spent years wishing he had a chance with Joonmyun. What if now, finally…

He forces himself to dismiss the thought. He can figure this out later. After he takes a few Advil—and eats some breakfast, as he’s reminded when his stomach growls.

His clothes are piled at the foot of the bed, so Jongdae puts them back on and shuffles out to the kitchen. Joonmyun’s already there, sitting at the island with his laptop open in front of him and a mug of coffee next to it, but he ignores both in favor of Jongdae as soon as he notices him.

It’s too early in the morning for this, Jongdae thinks helplessly, even though according to the stove clock it’s after eleven. Joonmyun’s smile is bright and his feet are bare, his clothes comfortable rather than stylish. It’s like every single stupid domestic daydream Jongdae’s ever had about the two of them, and for a flickering second he wonders if he’s still asleep. “How do you feel?” Joonmyun asks.

"I'm not hung over," he says wryly.

Joonmyun laughs at that. "You fell asleep before you could drink that much. I told Baekhyun you could stay here.” 

"So he took my clothes off for me?" It wouldn’t be the first time. Four years of rooming together in college meant that they were always each other’s go-to when they were single and needed someone to take care of them if they got especially trashed at a party.

"Yeah, he said he's had enough practice."

Jongdae snorts. He can imagine exactly how Baekhyun must have said that, too. "I bet,” he says, then pauses as other memories of falling asleep during a few parties at college come back to him. “Did anybody draw anything on my face?”

"No, I kept you safe," Joonmyun assures him with a grin. "Do you want some coffee?"

"That would be amazing.” Jongdae gestures back toward the short hallway connecting the main area of the apartment with the other rooms. “I'm gonna-"

"There are extra towels and toothbrushes in the cabinet."

"You're the best," Jongdae says gratefully, and Joonmyun's laughter follows him out of the kitchen.

The cabinets are as much of a mess as the rest of Joonmyun's apartment, but Jongdae rounds up what he needs soon enough, and before he knows it he's halfway to feeling human again. He hesitates over it but ends up using both Joonmyun's shampoo and body wash. It isn't like he brought his own, he thinks defensively, already able to picture how Baekhyun will tease him for this. He doesn't have any choice other than to spend the day smelling like Joonmyun, clean and quietly expensive.

Once he returns to the kitchen, still towel-drying his hair, he's able to take in more of the post-party mess—cups and plates everywhere, empty bottles scattered across the counters, an already full extra trash bag by the door. "I can help clean up," he offers.

"I already did some," Joonmyun says. Jongdae takes another look around, eyebrows skyrocketing, because if this is how the apartment looks _after_ some cleaning he doesn’t even want to know what it looked like before. "I’ll do some more later, and the cleaning service will be in tomorrow. Just eat breakfast."

Jongdae looks where he indicates and sees not only a fresh pot of coffee—which smells amazing—but also a paper bag that he quickly opens, his mouth watering as soon as he sees what’s inside. "Bagels?" he exclaims.

"Sesame seed with cream cheese," Joonmyun confirms. "That's still what you like, right?"

"Yeah, it's my favorite!" He all but tears the wrapper apart, rambling on as he does so. "I've been craving a real New York bagel for so long."

"Ever since you left?" Joonmyun teases.

"As soon as I got on the plane!" Jongdae takes a huge bite, moaning shamelessly at the taste. "Oh my _god_ , this is the best bagel I've ever had."

"It's from a place down the street," Joonmyun tells him. "I eat there all the time."

"Are there any apartments open in your building?" Jongdae asks promptly. "I'm moving in tomorrow."

"I can ask.”

"Right now?" Jongdae returns, even though they both know he doesn't have a shot in hell of affording the rent.

“Just say the word.”

Jongdae takes another bite, closing his eyes momentarily from sheer bliss. God, he’s glad he’s home to stay. “I still can’t believe I fell _asleep_ ,” he says. 

“You were pretty out of it the whole night,” Joonmyun comments. “Maybe you shouldn’t have come if you needed rest.”

“I had to,” Jongdae protests. “I thought it was for-” He pauses as his brain catches up with his mouth, and takes a swallow of coffee to buy himself time. “I wanted to see everyone,” he finishes.

Joonmyun finishes off his own drink. He has to slip past Jongdae to get to the sink, and he stops briefly on his way, squeezing Jongdae’s shoulder affectionately. “I’m really glad you did,” he tells him, and despite Jongdae’s half-baked plan to play it cool, he can’t keep from beaming.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Joonmyun excuses himself for a few minutes, Jongdae makes his move, because the mess is driving him up a wall and he has to do something. 

He’s gotten a good start on the sink full of dishes, humming contentedly to himself, when he hears Joonmyun’s footsteps, then his amused voice from off to the side. “You really don’t have to do that,”

“I want to help,” Jongdae says stubbornly, not looking up.

“Because of last night? You can stay here anytime.”

“I didn’t mean you, I meant I’m helping the cleaning service,” Jongdae teases, even as Joonmyun’s easy offer warms his chest. “Bad enough they have to clean your regular mess without-" And then Joonmyun’s _right there_ , tickling Jongdae’s sides. Jongdae laughs hysterically, nearly dropping the plate he’d been rinsing, and hastily sets it down and squirms away, making his escape to the other side of the kitchen island.

He holds up both glove-covered hands palm out. “Just let me finish the dishes!”

Joonmyun’s laughing, too. Jongdae has a sudden image of Joonmyun sneaking up on him again, though in his daydream he pins Jongdae against the counter for a heated kiss instead, hands quickly unfastening Jongdae’s pants—or maybe Jongdae wouldn’t even _be_ wearing pants—

“Okay,” Joonmyun says abruptly, snapping Jongdae right out of his fantasy, “but then I’m going to do something for you.”

“Like what?”

“You’ll see.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jongdae doesn’t have any intention of leaving the apartment until Joonmyun sends him home; a day of lazing around and enjoying Joonmyun’s company sounds ideal to him. But turns out Joonmyun’s idea of doing something nice for Jongdae is taking him to his favorite Korean restaurant for lunch, and they’re not even halfway to the next block before Jongdae’s glad for it.

While he’d thought a lot about home when he’d been away, even memories of New York are nothing like the real thing; the traffic and noise and smells of all kinds, street food and trash and exhaust; voices in a plethora of languages and so many people, no two of which look the same. Everything’s so fast-paced in the city, and while yesterday Jongdae had been too worn down from traveling and too heartsick over Joonmyun to appreciate any of it, today it puts a spring in his step and makes it impossible to wipe the smile from his face. He’d enjoyed Hong Kong and would happily go back, but this will always be home for him.

“Glad to be back?” Joonmyun asks, like he can read Jongdae’s mind.

Jongdae beams at him and impulsively takes Joonmyun’s arm. “Yeah, I am.”

The trip to 35th Street proves even more worthwhile when he finds that their favorite restaurant still serves the best bibimbap in the city (other than his mother’s, of course). Once their meals arrive it takes several minutes before either of them stop eating long enough to say anything beyond offering each other tastes of their food.

“So,” Jongdae says at last, as casually as he can, “you and Eunji?”

“It wasn’t a big deal,” Joonmyun tells him quickly, as if he wants to reassure Jongdae. “We just knew it wasn’t going to work out, long-term.”

“Oh,” Jongdae says, trying to sound sympathetic rather than like he’s internally celebrating. “I really thought you guys were going to last.”

“Nope,” Joonmyun says with a clearly forced smile. Jongdae really isn’t sure how to read that, and almost asks him how he’s feeling now, in case Joonmyun needs someone to talk to about it, but Joonmyun speaks first. “What about you? Did you meet anybody in Hong Kong?”

Jongdae shakes his head. “I mean, there was—I went out with—but nothing serious or anything.” He’d been open to the possibility. He really had. He’d been determined to make Hong Kong a fresh start, to try to move on from the feelings he’d had for Joonmyun for so long. But none of the people he’d met had been right, and even a continent away Joonmyun had—well, Jongdae hadn’t sat around pining, but even if Joonmyun hadn’t made a point of Skyping him several times a week Jongdae knows he wouldn’t have been able to forget him. Not for a minute.

“Oh,” Joonmyun says after a beat.

Now it’s Jongdae’s turn to put on a smile. “But New York’s a big city, right? Maybe now that I’m back-”

“Right, yeah,” Joonmyun says, and they both take quick gulps of their drinks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“One check,” Joonmyun tells the waitress when they’re done, and Jongdae’s heart kind of flutters, as cliché as it is.

“I should work abroad more often,” he jokes.

“We can’t go to lunch if you’re in a different country.”

“Then I guess you’d have to visit me.”

“I would’ve liked to,” Joonmyun tells him, and Jongdae can’t keep help smiling. He’d mentioned it during a few Skype conversations, but it’s not the same as hearing it in person. 

Jongdae’s phone vibrates almost as soon as they leave the restaurant, and he pulls it out and checks the newly arrived text. “Baekhyun says he’s going to see Taeyeon after work,” he reports as he shoves his phone back into his pocket. “He gave me a key yesterday, though. I think I can find my way there.”

Joonmyun looks thoughtful for a second, then reaches out and catches Jongdae’s wrist. Jongdae can feel his pulse skyrocket and wonders if Joonmyun can, too. “Do you want to just come back with me?” Joonmyun offers. “We can hang out. Watch a movie.”

“You’re not sick of me yet?” Jongdae says lightly.

“That’ll never happen,” Joonmyun assures him. He skims his thumb along the inside of Jongdae’s wrist before letting go, right over his still racing pulse point, the touch sending a shiver through Jongdae. 

Jongdae’s mind is racing too fast to allow for much more conversation until they’re off the subway and approaching Joonmyun’s apartment building. "I wanted to say thanks," Jongdae says then, before he can lose his nerve.

"You can stay over any time-”

"Not for that—I mean, that, too, today's been great. I meant for everything while I was gone; the chats and messages and packages. It means a lot."

"I wanted to make sure you knew we hadn't forgotten you," Joonmyun says, and then adds, "That I hadn't."

Their hands bump against each other once as they walk, then again. Jongdae swallows, but he heeds his impulse and takes Joonmyun’s hand, relaxing a little when Joonmyun gives his a quick squeeze and holds on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joonmyun brings a blanket over to the couch with him, wrapping it around himself once he sits down. Jongdae laughs. “I forgot how cold-blooded you are,” he says, though when his hand accidentally grazes the deep blue fleece his amusement quickly changes to awe. “Wow, that’s really soft!”

“Want to share?” Joonmyun offers.

“Okay,” Jongdae agrees, hoping he doesn’t sound too eager. 

Once Joonmyun’s spread half the blanket over him, Jongdae takes the excuse to scoot closer to him. He’s a good friend, after all. If Joonmyun’s sharing his blanket, the least Jongdae can do is share his body heat.

The movie’s good, but it’s slow, and before long Jongdae’s eyes are feeling heavy. He tips his head onto Joonmyun’s shoulder, too tired to second-guess himself, and feels more than hears Joonmyun laugh.

“Tired again?” Joonmyun asks.

“Can’t,” Jongdae mumbles. “I don’t want to mess up my sleep schedule even more. You have to keep me awake.”

“Okay,” Joonmyun says quietly. “Tell me about Hong Kong.”

That rouses Jongdae. “I already did,” he says with a disbelieving laugh. “All the time. Didn’t you read my tweets?”

“Every word,” Joonmyun promises. “But it’ll keep you awake, right? I know how much you like to talk-”

“ _Hey_ -”

Joonmyun laughs, eyes curving into crescents. The sight still makes Jongdae’s heart pound when it catches him off-guard like this. “Tell me again,” he urges Jongdae. “Tell me everything.”

Jongdae burrows closer against Joonmyun’s side, smiling when Joonmyun wraps his arm around Jongdae’s shoulders. They’d fit better if it were Joonmyun tucked under Jongdae’s arm, but Jongdae spent a year trying not to miss everything about Joonmyun. He’ll take everything he can get. “There’s something nobody knows.”

“What was it?”

"I could've stayed," Jongdae confides, his eyes drifting shut. It’s a lucky thing Joonmyun’s keeping him awake, he thinks, because he’s so warm and comfortable now that sleep is much too tempting. But Joonmyun won’t let him. He can always count on Joonmyun.

Joonmyun goes still against his side. “You—what?"

"Another job opened up, a permanent one. They offered it to me. But I said no."

"Because you missed everyone?"

There's an odd note in Joonmyun's voice, enough to have Jongdae's eyes flickering open to meet his. Joonmyun’s closer than he’d expected, somehow, and a burst of awareness shoots through Jongdae as he stares at Joonmyun’s face, drinking his features in even though he’s long since memorized every detail. Joonmyun’s handsome, but not perfect, like how he’s one of the kindest people Jongdae knows but his personality’s not perfect, either.

But he’s perfect for _Jongdae_ , and maybe now it’s finally time for him to do something about it. “I missed _you_ ,” he says quietly.

Joonmyun leans in closer until his forehead brushes against Jongdae’s. He cups one hand against Jongdae’s cheek, his thumb skimming the hinge of his jaw, inches away from Jongdae’s quickening pulse point. “I missed you, too.”

“Good,” Jongdae murmurs with a shaky laugh. “If you didn’t, that would have been-”

Joonmyun’s mouth curves in a quick grin, and Jongdae doesn’t miss how his gaze drops to Jongdae’s lips. “Jongdae? Can I-” But before he can even finish, Jongdae closes what little distance is left between them and kisses him.

Their lips brush gently once, twice, a third time, Jongdae’s hands coming up to grip Joonmyun’s shoulders. When Joonmyun starts to shift away Jongdae’s eyes fly open, panicked, until he realizes Joonmyun is just moving to get a better angle. As soon as he does, Jongdae drags Joonmyun back in for another kiss, one that’s neither gentle nor slow and leaves Jongdae all but melting into Joonmyun, only aware that he wants, needs more, that he gets it and gives everything he has in return.

When Joonmyun pulls back, not letting go of Jongdae, Jongdae’s eyes flutter open. “Wow,” he says breathlessly.

Joonmyun smiles. “Yeah.”

“How long have you—I mean-” It’s hard to organize his words, his thoughts, when he’s just been kissed like that by _Joonmyun_ ; when all he can think about is how much he wants to kiss him again, not just his lips but his face, his neck and his soft hands; when all he can think about is that now he _can_. 

“How long have I wanted to do that?” Joonmyun asks. Jongdae nods, his heart in his throat, and Joonmyun strokes his hair, then slides his hand down to curve against Jongdae’s face again. “A while.”

“What kind of answer is that?” Jongdae demands with an incredulous laugh, and Joonmyun laughs, too, even though Jongdae knows he’s being too loud. “Like, I’ve been in love with you since sophomore year, _that’s_ an answer, but we were never single at the right time and I wasn’t sure you’d even want to date a guy-”

“I want to date _you_ ,” Joonmyun tells him, and Jongdae kisses him again.

(Days later Jongdae tells Joonmyun about how he held his breath every time he opened one of Joonmyun’s emails, convinced each one would hold the news that he was engaged to Eunji. Weeks later, when they’re in Joonmyun’s bed, but to do anything other than sleep this time, Jongdae listens to Joonmyun’s gradually calming heartbeat, warm and sated and his own heart overflowing, as Joonmyun murmurs confessions about how he’s had feelings for Jongdae for years, too; about how he hadn’t wanted to spoil their friendship but then Jongdae’s year away had made Joonmyun realize that he never wants them to be apart again.

But right now this is enough for both of them.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Where have you been?" Baekhyun teasingly scolds as Jongdae lets himself into the apartment with the spare key Baekhyun had given him yesterday. "Were you seriously still at Joonmyun’s? People are gonna talk."

"Better get used to it," Jongdae says happily, dropping down next to Baekhyun on the couch. “We’re going for dinner tomorrow.”

“Ooh, like a date?” Baekhyun coos, though it seems more reflex than anything, since he currently seems to be more focused on resetting Mario Kart so they can begin a two-player game.

Jongdae grins, wide and uncontrollable. “Yeah.”

Baekhyun casts him a quick, sideways glance, and then he laughs and hands Jongdae the extra video game controller. “ _Finally_ ,” he says. 

Jongdae couldn’t agree more.


End file.
